Let's face it, women have been ruling the bag scene for 7 million years. It's time men take back their sacks. Here's 5 reasons why it's time you step up your bag game posthaste!
1. The first thing women notice about a man is his sack
Leather, Cotton, Canvas, Briefcases, Messenger Bags - women are game for them all. Scientists theorize it's their innate fascination with all the things that could be inside... A gift perhaps? FOR ME? Maybe...
2. Women find men with a nice sack more desirable
According to researchers who polled over 3 women in a double-blind, multiple-choice questionnaire, nearly 0% of participants indicated a nice sack as being undesirable. Contrary to the 100% whom we found that indicated a nice sack as being a must. This is science damnit!
3. Men with a nice sack are less likely to develop a fetish for Japanese game shows
The Japanese have perfected turning awkward moments into publicly broadcasted game shows. We found, after doing no research, that men who possess a badass sack are 99% less likely to become obsessed with these wildly fascinating Asian entertainers!
4. 88.6% of women admitted to cheating on their significant other regularly due to his lack of a worthwhile sack
Securing a monogamous partner is a top relationship concern, but many men forget that women have needs too. Finding a mate that puts quality materials and style above all else is what every woman we spoke with indicated as being the most important determining factor when deciding if they should cheat or not.
5. Become the leader of the pack.... because of your sack
It's not about the size of your sack that matters, it's the safety and security it provides you and those around you. When trouble's brewin' and safe refuge is needed women, and even other men will instinctually gravitate towards a sack capable of administering care, protection, and a democratic system of government. Without one, you're rendered useless and may be accused of supporting global terrorism.